Cutting a couple of chives every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 32 APOLOGY

[u/F1exican]

Hey everyone. I would just like to come out and apologize for post the same pile of chives twice,

I was having car problems yesterday and was unable to get and cut chives, and rather than being upfront and honest with you guys I chose to repost chives. I didn’t want to give you guys another chiveless day.

I see now that it would have been better to just be honest and say no chives rather than try and lie, this also goes against the whole point of the posts, I would like to thank all of you for holding me accountable for my actions.

I will be subjecting myself to a Reddit decided punishment, the most upvoted punishment that is REASONABLE will be my punishment. So nothing illegal nothing expensive please but cutting extra chives or maybe something I have to do for the rest of my posts.

I again apologize and will ensure this never happens again.

[u/Tracktoy]

My wife called me at the store to ask if I have heard about chivegate.

We are on holiday in Mexico and she took time out of her day to let me know I had been betrayed.

I'm not mad, but I want the weight of that to sit with you.

I hope your car is feeling better. See you tmrw chef.

[u/lucid_effervescence → u/Tracktoy]

Damn this like the most laxed, straightforward, non condescending 3rd degree burn in the history of reddit.... OP gonna need some cream after that

[u/MrsShaunaPaul → u/lucid_effervescence]

Sour cream!

[u/Quagga_Resurrection → u/Tracktoy]

Really pulling the parental, "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed."

[u/jjwhitaker → u/Quagga_Resurrection]

We got to Mexico for 2 weeks and what happens?

[u/LSTmyLife → u/Tracktoy]

The car bit killed me.

[u/Pimaboy85 → u/Tracktoy]

damn I felt that 😐

[u/Imaginary_Neat_5673 → u/Tracktoy]

You more eloquently put my visceral feelings into words than I ever could.

[u/windsshi]

First my mom and dad divorce, and now Chivelord is a fraud? Is anything sacred in this world?

[u/Terrible_Truth → u/windsshi]

Next they’re going to try to tell us Santa ain’t real.

[u/tfyousay2me → u/Terrible_Truth]

they better fucking not 😤

[u/F1exican → u/windsshi]

Im sorry i never meant to let anyone down

[u/BeatBlockP → u/F1exican]

This is better accountability than 99.5% of our politicians.

[u/HeyBeFuckingNice → u/BeatBlockP]

Your flair!!!!!!! ✈️

[u/feelingpeckish123 → u/F1exican]

u/F1exican - while I know most people are reasonable and now are in it for the meme-able aspect, I just wanna say - I truly empathize with your situation because I can't imagine the self-imposed pressure to please tens of thousands of Reddit users who were getting joy from your posts. ❤️

I don't know how old you are, but hopefully this serves as a solid life lesson that you can't be everything to everyone at all times. And it's okay to step back and say sorry guys. I need a day. 🙏

Chive on sir 🫡

[u/veritasen → u/feelingpeckish123]

That was really nice.

[u/Mavori → u/F1exican]

If Chives the cat forgives you, I'll forgive you.

[u/gamermommie → u/F1exican]

Maybe next time you can't post you should hit up Chive's person to post pictures of him to calm the masses.

[u/Hillbillyblues → u/windsshi]

Next we will find out the cat is actually called Scallion...

[u/scheepeed → u/Hillbillyblues]

Or Leek 🥺

[u/tilunaxo]

This is so fucking funny

[u/EquinoxGm → u/tilunaxo]

It would’ve been a power move if he reposted again as the apology lmao

[u/superxpro12 → u/EquinoxGm]

Just repost it again but at 90deg lol

[u/nlolsen8 → u/superxpro12]

Photoshop the cutting board color, let's go red this time, yellow was received so well

[u/joost013 → u/tilunaxo]

Sir, this is serious. It's a matter of chive and death.

[u/tilunaxo → u/joost013]

Frantically searching meetup.org for my local protest rally

[u/tehjoz → u/tilunaxo]

Chiveup dot org

[u/Mission_Fart9750 → u/tilunaxo]

The funniest part is the mod comment pinned to the top that states this post is "controversial, political, and/or otherwise sensitive."

[u/wrestlegirl → u/Mission_Fart9750]

Look we're old and we're tired and it's just a simple thing to keep chive-by postings from non members from overwhelming us okay

[u/ithinkiamcelia → u/wrestlegirl]

“chive-by” has me in fucking tears

[u/-ToPimpAButterfree- → u/ithinkiamcelia]

Jump chive and wail

[u/PsyOpBunnyHop → u/wrestlegirl]

All my kids are crying because of this chive cheater. ALL OF THEM!

I mean, maybe I have kids. You never know.

[u/CIA-Front_Desk → u/PsyOpBunnyHop]

Kids plural? Or do you have 1 kid that you turned upside down and reposted??

[u/danbob87 → u/wrestlegirl]

Please don't ever drop the serious tone with things like this, the juxtaposition of the outright silliness of the subject matter and the seriousness of the mod responses is keeping me very entertained.

[u/bojtaerg → u/danbob87]

100%. it’s peak comedy and i’m living for it.

[u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme → u/bojtaerg]

It's part of what makes this one of my favorite subs!

Y'all are a bunch of degenerates sometimes--just like the best kitchens, AND you're also incredibly kind, good hearted, and Everyone understands the struggle, and is willing to allow folks to have another chance!💖

Best damn bunch of degenerates a person could ever know!🫶

[u/lumoslomas → u/wrestlegirl]

"chive-by postings"

I love you

[u/c0de1143 → u/wrestlegirl]

we’re old and we’re tired and we’re modding with fucking children

It was right there

[u/OhDiablo → u/wrestlegirl]

Heard

[u/MammothVegetable696 → u/tilunaxo]

I fucking love this shit So much drama feel like a commercial kitchen in here

[u/wrestlegirl → u/tilunaxo]

You should see my non-mod DMs about it 🤣🤣

[u/CertainMedicine757 → u/wrestlegirl]

Well, don't leave us hanging...

[u/mopbuvket → u/CertainMedicine757]

No I don't wanna see what people dm that poor woman it'll probably kill us lowly line cooks

[u/softbitch_jpeg → u/tilunaxo]

It is!! I don’t know why there are some folks who are literally mad about the entire chive saga existing. It has been absolutely hilarious.

[u/Brilliant_Buns → u/softbitch_jpeg]

Honestly it’s been fun to see everyone rally around a common cause. Don’t like it, chive on man, chive on 🤣

[u/ZachyChan013 → u/Brilliant_Buns]

Life’s a chive man. Chop it.

[u/Celesticalking → u/tilunaxo]

Lmao it truly is making me laugh. 

[u/Firaxyiam → u/tilunaxo]

I don't really cook apart from basic stuff to feed myself. I am not a part of this sub, not a part of this industry, nothing. I don't know why Reddit decided to show me chive-posting in the last few weeks. Hell, I'm not even sure what chives actually are.

I fucking love this shit. I am now fully invested. This is too much holy shit

[u/devilishly_advocated → u/Firaxyiam]

Traction. Super engaged posts get suggested to others. I'm not even mad, I've come across some cool stuff lately. Sometimes viral or traction or engagement is dumb. The chive saga has been one of those winners. Glad to have you here. (I'm just a lurker of years since I have not worked in the industry in a long time).

[u/OmnipresentCPU]

I showed your chives to my wife man. I don’t even know where to go from here.

[u/Acceptable_Bag_1762 → u/OmnipresentCPU]

I laughed out loud at this, thank you!

[u/ozymandias457]

Whew, glad we didn’t overreact lol

[u/Proud_Smell_4455 → u/ozymandias457]

[u/nisasters → u/ozymandias457]

Yep we were all reasonable and understanding.

[u/shmelse → u/ozymandias457]

Amazing comment, I made you this gold star - I swear I’m not just reusing one I drew for someone before…

[u/Novel_Diver8628 → u/ozymandias457]

Very underrated comment, I almost sprayed whiskey out of my nose (which would have hurt).

[u/Old-Kaile → u/ozymandias457]

This sub?? Overreact??? Noooo never that would never happen here 😬

[u/DjuncleMC]

Well at least you apolochived.

[u/Ipayforsex69 → u/DjuncleMC]

I wasn't gonna drink today. I need a drink now.

[u/the_silent_redditor → u/Ipayforsex69]

I haven’t drank for 31 days.

Guess that’s over now, too.

EDIT: This was a dumb joke about Day 32 of chives being too devastating to handle. Thank you to the comments below, this community is awesome and kind. And, honestly, I do need to significantly cut down.

[u/daedalus14x → u/the_silent_redditor]

I guess I picked the wrong day to stop boofing chives.

[u/stonesliver2 → u/the_silent_redditor]

Hoe don't do it

[u/Severe_Response232 → u/the_silent_redditor]

Noo don’t break your streak 🙈🙏

[u/Personal-Durian-7144 → u/the_silent_redditor]

Honestly, good for you. It can be tough, if this was in jest, good one. If you’re serious, I won’t sit here and try to berate you for drinking, you’ll do that to yourself enough tomorrow. Either way, good joke, or good luck, whichever you prefer!

[u/Available_Motor5980 → u/Ipayforsex69]

I was gonna drink today. I’m still gonna, but I was gonna too.

[u/Ordinarily_Claim]

Honesty is always the best policy.

Your punishment is to get a table tripod and start videoing yourself cutting the chives.

[u/butter_cookie_gurl → u/Ordinarily_Claim]

Oh yes this. Video for next post.

[u/fucking_unicorn → u/butter_cookie_gurl]

Yep we need chive fraud to regain our trust. Must now prove authenticity

[u/FunkYeahPhotography → u/fucking_unicorn]

Chive Redemption Arc

[u/Electric_jungle → u/Ordinarily_Claim]

I like this idea. Effective, holds him to task, hilarious, and keeps the party going.

But imo the fraud act is Reddit history now.

[u/seasteed → u/Ordinarily_Claim]

OnlyChives

[u/OnI_BArIX → u/seasteed]

[u/Fuuzzzz → u/Ordinarily_Claim]

Love this idea, but with how weird this sub is (I say that affectionately), I'd keep the video to chives-only.

Internet can be wild, don't get doxxed

[u/Nurse_Hatchet → u/Fuuzzzz]

Wear a GoPro helmet and just film the hands!! I agree with keeping anonymous, but I now need these posts to upgrade to videos!

[u/ok8ko → u/Ordinarily_Claim]

and you gotta hold up a newspaper for proof of date

[u/GodIsABadDM]

LIVECHIVESTREAM CUTTING CHIVES AS PUNISHMENT AND ATONEMENT

[u/SlickSlin → u/GodIsABadDM]

24 hour chivestream

[u/bigboybeeperbelly → u/SlickSlin]

[u/spazmcnasty]

I for one am having a blast with this whole thing. The twists the turns the planes.

Thank you.

As punishment.. You’re in dish for three weeks.

[u/t0t3sst0k3d → u/spazmcnasty]

3 weeks?! c'mon, man! that's too harsh. 1 week tops #justiceforF1exican

[u/CassiopeiaFoon]

I demand a timecard next to each chive pile from now on.

[u/huge__tracts-of-land → u/CassiopeiaFoon]

Arrange the chives to show the date

[u/DataMin3r → u/huge__tracts-of-land]

Gotta disagree with this one. Would allow the option of just arranging them for several different dates, and with the piles being shifted, it would make it harder to detect another sneaky swap.

[u/huge__tracts-of-land → u/DataMin3r]

OK, fair point. Then he should have to arrange the chives individually in size order.

[u/Celesticalking]

This is why I can never delete Reddit. 

[u/Yakoo752]

You should be forced to cut chives length wise

[u/vexingcosmos → u/Yakoo752]

This one would be Really funny and test his knife skills.

[u/Rare-Employment-9447 → u/Yakoo752]

Diabolical

[u/AMDeez_nutz]

Op, your punishment is to cut a cup of chives everyday until this sub says they’re perfect

[u/OnI_BArIX → u/AMDeez_nutz]

One must imagine chiveyphus happy.

[u/ButteFockhim → u/OnI_BArIX]

Can't not pronounce that as "chivey puss" in my brain.

[u/DanishRobloxGamer]

While I still feel betrayed, at least you are man enough to own up to your mistake, and for that I applaud you.

[u/brad_at_work → u/DanishRobloxGamer]

The dude is ALL ABOUT growth and self-improvement, I can forgive him.

[u/161frog → u/DanishRobloxGamer]

No applause from me, but a gentle singular nod, with the expectation that all honors be stripped.

[u/KarmaKrazi]

I understand car troubles can be stressful. hopefully everyone can find it in their hearts to forgive, and not make the punishment too bad lol.

[u/UsernameUnattainable → u/KarmaKrazi]

The Chivemind Collective is in chaos..

I vote to forgive & hope for perfect Chives

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/UsernameUnattainable]

[u/crunchytacoboy]

You owe us the YouTuber apology. Complete with the tone deaf ukulele song.

[u/PiersPlays → u/crunchytacoboy]

I for one will not be satisfied until I hear a ukulele fake chives apology.

[u/InitialAd2324 → u/crunchytacoboy]

You got my vote.

[u/Block_Parser]

Worst betrayal since bush did 9/11

[u/wrestlegirl → u/Block_Parser]

u/f1exican did Chive-11

edit: this flair is now available for anyone to use as part of u/f1exican's penance

[u/droleon → u/wrestlegirl]

So u/Karmakrazi was the pilot all along.. I knew it!

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/droleon]

[u/somniopus → u/wrestlegirl]

New flair pls

E: thank you🙏🤘

[u/spazmcnasty → u/somniopus]

I need that

[u/Original-Age-6691 → u/spazmcnasty]

We all remember where we were for chive 11

[u/pandaplagueis → u/wrestlegirl]

I mean, it makes sense with all of the planes that could hit the chive towers

[u/BarristanSelfie → u/pandaplagueis]

Olive oil doesn't melt steel beams

[u/Champagne_of_piss → u/wrestlegirl]

Chive-11 first responder

[u/JankyJunks]

This is a dark day for /r/KitchenConfidential, and therefore, the world.

[u/UsernameUnattainable]

Thank you for your candor 💚 now get back to chopping a cup of chives each day until they are actually perfect

[u/Cman02101]

Your user tag should be changed to chiveFRAUD for at least a week

[u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme → u/Cman02101]

Heck, just give him the name "Chive Mountbatten-Windsor" since his Lordship is now stripped!

[u/August_T_Marble → u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme]

Damn. That's brutal.

[u/meddlingbarista → u/August_T_Marble]

And fair.

[u/wkndjb → u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme]

This actually is the perfect punishment, that or he has make airplane shapes with the chives from now on.

[u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme → u/wkndjb]

I'd like to vote for the "must now create Chive Art"!

It's gonna be interesting when he tries to go all-out "Chopped" and draw the Ice Cream Machine out of chives.

But that eposide's gonna be a great crossover, too!😉

[u/Admiral_Kite → u/Cman02101]

Having this tag until the end of the challenge seems fair. The challenge is hard and if OP gives up, he has to live with chiveFRAUD until further liberation by perfect chives.

Seconding this!

[u/SunsetSharkBite → u/Cman02101]

Until the chives are perfect!!!

[u/No_Structure_9283 → u/SunsetSharkBite]

No, he should have it for a week. He can't be a fraud after a week. All is remedied afterwards

[u/The_Limpet → u/No_Structure_9283]

For the next 7 days he has to write "I must not tell chives" in chives beneath his pile.

[u/tehjoz]

It takes a big chef to admit they fucked up.

There's also a material difference between "a lapse in judgment" and malevolently creating dishonest content.

I'm still on F1exican's side.

But the community's judgment, and overall desire to continue this series, is what will ultimately govern, IMO.

[u/Brilliant_Buns → u/tehjoz]

Hey listen. We all do shit we’re like “oh damn, bad call”, the man owned up, explained himself, and delivered chives. I say let this be a lesson learned and DON’T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN CHEF

[u/nihi1zer0 → u/Brilliant_Buns]

what i don't get it HOW HARD do some folks need to be scrutizing these posts enough to cross-reference them with other posts to notice that it was the same chives just inverted. It blows my fucking mind whomever caught this.

[u/I_Miss_My_Beta_Cells → u/nihi1zer0]

To quote /u/ThisThredditor "now THIS is the autism I come to reddit for"

[u/Grabbinfries23 → u/tehjoz]

IMO its only children and the jobless (which tbf, describes a lot of reddit) that would have 0 sympathy for "I've been chopping chives for you lot every single day for a month and on one day couldn't find the time"

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/Grabbinfries23]

the children and the jobless are replying to you lol. I agree though, mans was having a stressful day and made a decision to try to keep the saga going without telling us it would be another chiveless day. was it the best move? no. Was it an understandable, forgivable, human move? most definitely.

[u/F1exican → u/KarmaKrazi]

Thank you, i think this is a great description, it was definitely not the right move and I apologize.

[u/YimveeSpissssfid → u/F1exican]

I’ve been enjoying the chives from afar.

You owned your actions. You’ve got integrity. You apologized.

Now sharpen your knife and deliver the perfect chives tomorrow, okay chef?

[u/vaevictis87 → u/KarmaKrazi]

this is a bit of silly fun, let’s not forget that. Nobody died lol

[u/E0H1PPU5 → u/tehjoz]

I stand with the chives.

We all mess up and I can understand the OP feeling like they couldn’t disappoint the sub.

I suggest the OP should be forgiven, the chives journey should continue, and as punishment…OP needs to give themselves a break because it kinda sounds like they’re having a rough time.

[u/CriticalEngineering → u/tehjoz]

I’m with F1exican. Iterative improvement is making me so happy to watch. Reminds me of what I love about cooking and making drinks.

[u/GaiaMoore → u/tehjoz]

I'm just flabbergasted that u/F1exican thought he wouldn't get caught.

His entire series is dedicated to putting his work out there to be thoroughly examined chive by chive...and he thought no one would notice? lmao

[u/Champagne_of_piss]

Tattoo of a slightly-too-long piece of chive.

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/Champagne_of_piss]

an imperfect chive tattoo actually seems like a great punishment lol

[u/Pelkcizzle → u/KarmaKrazi]

An imperfect chive tattoo circled with an airplane heading for it maybe? I mean what could a tattoo cost, $10?

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/Pelkcizzle]

This would go so hard though tbh lol it's almost not even a punishment lol

[u/pbconspiracy → u/KarmaKrazi]

With the words "never forget" inscribed underneath.

[u/memeleta → u/Champagne_of_piss]

This has to happen.

[u/Leombro]

You’ll have to straight up eat all this chives you’ve chopped up by the spoon I’m afraid

[u/Antarioo → u/Leombro]

not spoon. chopsticks

[u/exzyle2k → u/Antarioo]

No... Toothpick. One chive loop at a time, while Kids Bop or The Wiggles plays on an endless loop in the background, just barely loud enough to be a distraction... Not quiet enough to tune out, not loud enough to be disturbing, just on the edge between both.

[u/CheezeLoueez → u/Leombro]

This I love

[u/pinpoint14]

😂😂😂😂😂

[u/SirRhino132]

I think my favorite part of all of this is someone saw the most recent chives and went “hold up a sec I’ve seen these chives before”

[u/thirteeneels → u/SirRhino132]

Hilarious from start to finish. He was caught so handily 😂😂😂

[u/Living_Substance9973]

Still get flowers from me Chef. I forgive you.

[u/StrawberryLassi → u/Living_Substance9973]

is /u/Living_Substance9973 using the same photo of a chives every day? Just how deep does the conspiracy go....!?!?

[u/LittleMissFirebright]

For your punishment, chop 3 cups of chives, throw them into a blender like you did our hearts, and make an iced smoothie.

Then drink it.

Edit: there are many ingredient suggestions in the comments. Since there are too many, you may pick whichever three are most fitting for you. This is democracy. This is justice. 

[u/somniopus → u/LittleMissFirebright]

With tequila

Warm. Reposado.

[u/killerkisses08 → u/somniopus]

He doesn't deserve a buzz for his lies.

[u/somniopus → u/killerkisses08]

I wouldn't be able to keep it down long enough for a buzz lol

What about warm milk instead?

[u/LittleMissFirebright → u/LittleMissFirebright]

Any other ingredients in the chive-pology smoothie? 

~Spiciest chili you can find 

~Salt, for our tears

~Tequila, warm (And milk)

~Sardines

~Clammato and bitters

~Espresso

[u/J__5]

Better apology than most YouTuber apologies

[u/imyourrealdad8 → u/J__5]

[u/DopeYeti → u/J__5]

And politicians. Chivelord may have wronged us, but he took accountability for his actions, genuinely apologized, and proposed a reasonable, democratically selected punishment.

[u/thenextbrain]

See you tomorrow, chef.

[u/Somo_99]

See you tomorrow chef. The heart was cute but don't look like no chive to me

[u/CheezeLoueez]

u/karmakrazi needs to chive in on this

[u/KarmaKrazi → u/CheezeLoueez]

it's essentially what I predicted on the other post. that he had car troubles and that was taking precedence, and to keep people happy while he was dealing with a stressful situation, he decided to post a previous picture of chives. was it the right move? no. was it an understandable, human move? most definitely.

[u/Betty_Wight_ → u/KarmaKrazi]

I, for one, forgive him. If it was premeditated he could have just agitated the same pile of chives into different arrangements and taken multiple photos. This was an act of desperation.

[u/pink_nectar]

Temporarily change your flair from Chivelord to ChiveTurkey 🧑‍🍳

[u/prettymuchyupp]

"Chivelord just admitted to fraudulently sharing his chives..."

[u/Flimsy-Buyer7772]

Friend: why’d you divorce him?

Me: he…he reposted chive.

[u/blackbeltbud]

Oh my god I'm so happy I'm here while this is happening. History being made right in front of us, chefs.

[u/TheHamsBurlgar]

You're cutting lefty from now on, bud.

[u/AlHorsetoe]

For this betrayal, you must repent.

See you tomorrow, chef.

[u/Fluffy-Cell-2603]

I will never recover from this.

My daughter is sobbing in the shower after having her reality shattered.
My cats are screeching and tearing at the walls.
My wife is dumping every vegetable in our garden into the fire pit.
My dog has gone silent and has stood facing the corner for hours.
The neighborhood elderly have not stopped shouting into the sky "WHY GOD WHY"

How could you?

[u/friedsooshi]

I'm not mad, just disappointed.

[u/FraeuleinSerpentine]

[u/ZeMarxs]

Your punishment is you now truly aren't allowed to stop chopping until they are perfect.

This punishment will be passed down to your next generations.

[u/derpiederpslikederp]

Chivegate2025 is off to an exemplary start

[u/CasuallyAgressive]

Gonna have to learn how to apologize properly when someone chokes on this log.

[u/ctan0312]

I don’t know if this will cut it

[u/chungussss]

Break your muscle memory by deliberately slicing all of your chives tomorrow as evenly sized tubes

[u/No_Zookeepergame6934]

How could you do this to us?

[u/MetalSaturn8727]

you betrayed us, chive lord… but through the ashes, perhaps more chives shall grow. i demand more chives until Reddit deems you worthy

[u/Pristine-Ad-469]

You have to sell chives in coke bags to random people on the street until you make $20

[u/LoBo247]

Every post from here on out should include a parentheses with (days since last fraudulent post) aside from your normal number of days posted.

[u/Complex_Fragment]

Punishment: Chive-based Tattoo.

[u/0neHumanPeolple]

I vote forgiveness with no punishment because this has been extremely entertaining.

[u/kkrauja]

I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.

[u/GeminiScreaming]

For posting the same pile of chives twice, you now have to post a perfect pile of chives two days in a row instead of just once.

[u/Dry_Addition8390]

Chivefraud title or 7 years dungeon

[u/eldfen]

You underestimated how invested we are in what will be known as the chive chronicles.

[u/Moorhex]

I just got woken up from a nap to he shown this. I think there is a metaphor in this about the industry as a lifestyle. Perfection doesn't exist. It's not an end state.

You're asking too much of yourself for some bullshit standard of perfection and it's broken you.

Honestly, I forgive you.

Take a few days off Chef. You've earned it.

[u/Ivotedforthehookers]

Full drag lipsynch of eat it by weird al

[u/paredclia]

Your punishment is to cut more chives and earn our trust back.

[u/HenryTheWho]

See ya tomorrow and no funny business this time ok?

[u/Brilliant_Buns]

I adore the community response to this 🤣 we somehow are all able to take ourselves “seriously” without actually taking ourselves seriously.

The man owned up, moving on - love it.

[u/xpurplexamyx]

u/Skiptoomyl0u I think the only valid punishment is you having him deep clean the walk in, and de-vein all the shrimp for the next month.

[u/Skiptoomyl0u → u/xpurplexamyx]

I am disappointed. It was my idea to have reddit decide his fate. I will show proof of any punishment. And will make sure no more shenanigans happen going forward. One day off work and chivegate happens unbelievable.

[u/okaeriiii]

Your penance is double chives tomorrow, in the shape of Chives the cat (loosely resembling cat is acceptable)

[u/Terpyryan]

You're forgiven, chef.

[u/5inthepink5inthepink → u/Terpyryan]

Agreed - he was bound to slip eventually, and he is sacrificing for our entertainment (and his betterment). The costs do add up. Chives at my local store are $2.49 a bunch. If he's going to get chives to cut for our review literally every day, that's $74.70 a month in materials alone.

Then you factor in the gas. Average distance to one's primary grocery store in the US is 4 miles, so call it 8 miles round trip. An 8 mile trip at 20 mpg (realistic for city driving) at the national average of $3.08/gal. = $1.23/trip, or $36.90 per month for daily trips (those chives gotta be fresh!).

So between chives and gas, we're at $111.60 / month out the Chivelord's own pocket, just for our amusement.

If he bought a week's worth of chives at a time (unlikely due to freshness reasons and our exacting standards) he'd be out only $4.92/mo. in gas, still for a total monthly cost of almost $80.

This doesn't even factor in the value of his time. I can't even be arsed to cook a meal that involves cutting veggies after work more than like once a week, let alone a whole bunch of chives every damn day.

So before we judge too harshly, let's remember the personal sacrifice entailed in this monumental undertaking, and the socioeconomic forces he, like all of us, finds himself up against in these trying times.

[u/dudebruhwow]

Your sentence is to cut 5lb of chives. We understand people have hard days. Thank you for coming clean about it and don’t (do) be too hard on yourself.

[u/splatter_spree]

[u/ExternalWear3511]

You must use a butterknife to cut chives as punishment.